I"m so sorry you are going through this.

At the risk of being bumming you out, I have to say, seriously, that if I were you I would consult an attorney ASAP. Do NOT tell him you are doing this. Most attorneys will consult the first time for free, give you an idea of what you may be in for, and quote a fee if you have to hire them.

The reason I say this is, I've been there. While you are 'working on the relationship' and he is pretending to work on it (it sounds like he's being pretty abusive emotionally and if he's already throwing books around and having tantrums it will get worse, not better), he is also taking concrete financial steps to separate his affairs from yours--canceling your gym membership, separating the cell phones, etc. This is a major red flag.

He's likely been through this many times before, and abusive men rarely change. Why? Because it works for them! They just leave and find someone else who will take it, which isn't that hard, sadly. Don't let him clean you out when and if he goes.

If you leave him by moving out first, there can be major financial and legal consequences if you end up divorcing. Please at least get some good legal and financial info from a competent divorce attorney and protect yourself.

I hope it works out, but if it doesn't, you have to start thinking of you, not him, and the sooner the better. Good luck!