Quote:
Originally Posted by pgrundy
I"m so sorry you are going through this.
At the risk of being bumming you out, I have to say, seriously, that if I were you I would consult an attorney ASAP. Do NOT tell him you are doing this. Most attorneys will consult the first time for free, give you an idea of what you may be in for, and quote a fee if you have to hire them.
The reason I say this is, I've been there. While you are 'working on the relationship' and he is pretending to work on it (it sounds like he's being pretty abusive emotionally and if he's already throwing books around and having tantrums it will get worse, not better), he is also taking concrete financial steps to separate his affairs from yours--canceling your gym membership, separating the cell phones, etc. This is a major red flag.
He's likely been through this many times before, and abusive men rarely change. Why? Because it works for them! They just leave and find someone else who will take it, which isn't that hard, sadly. Don't let him clean you out when and if he goes.
If you leave him by moving out first, there can be major financial and legal consequences if you end up divorcing. Please at least get some good legal and financial info from a competent divorce attorney and protect yourself.
I hope it works out, but if it doesn't, you have to start thinking of you, not him, and the sooner the better. Good luck!  |
The therapy session was interesting. He was basically saying that he can't deal with being sensitive and kept asking why i was crying. And he kept mentioning that he is a " cut and run" kind of guy. He told her that I am a sweet kind woman but not once did he say he loves me and when I asked him flat out if he wants to stay married to me he said I don't know. He got really mad when i compared him to my abusive ex and said even though he doesn't hit me he mentally abuses me. I don't think he'll go to marriage counseling with me.
pgrundy, I'm already prepared with a budget - we have only one small account of wedding gifts together and everything else is separate - I didn't even change my name. If I needed to leave I could pretty quickly and have money to support myself for a good while.
i will go see a lawyer though - i need to know my rights for sure. the problem is that his mom worked for a prominent attorney in our town for the last 40 years so everyone knows him.
My therapist said we should just try to enjoy some time together right now - so i will do my best.