I actually have a diagnosis of a dissociative disorder, so it's not like it would come as a surprise to T. He spends time with other parts of me IN SESSION. So, when it's not in my control and I'm sitting in his office, it just is what it is, I guess....but when I have to TELL him about it, talk about it, admit it's happening, it's just awful. I think he's thinking "geez, tree, your life is so great, why are you drifting off and missing it? pull yourself together!". Although I *know* that what he's really thinking - and what he left in my message - is that it is a great survival skill that I needed while I was growing up, and he's glad that I was "smart" enough to develop it. Or something like that.

I really appreciate EVERYONE'S replies, although it feels too overwhelming to me to reply to each one individually. I don't know what I would do without PC.

T didn't call back (and I didn't expect him to, so it's okay), and he hasn't e-mailed (but I'm sure he will sometime this weekend...probably Sunday). I know this is HIS time, and I am honestly fine with that. AND I feel shame-spiraly and alone and so grateful that PC is here.