This is the e-mail I sent to T. Edited a little to take out details.


I don't know whether to call you or e-mail you.

I feel SO drama-queenish with two giant things happening in two weeks. It makes me super SUPER judgemental of myself. Like "shut up and GET OVER IT". I'm trying to step back and see that they both ARE big - (the thing that happened this past Monday) and then this super triggering medical procedure. They are both just so triggering in different ways and ALL of my issues are wrapped up in there - the mom stuff, the little kid stuff, (J) - all of it. ALL of it.

I want you to love me whether I'm triggered or not. I want to not be triggered, FOR YOU. I want you to look at me and think I'm doing a good job. I don't want to tell you when I lose time because I want you to be proud of me.

^ all of that is so true. I want him to respond. And he will. And I'll sit with it until then, and I'll survive. But. Still.