Myzen,

I know how you are feeling. I too commit myself to things and back out at the last moment because of my anxiety Like Lexicon, I too have stopped doing it because not only do I have the anxiety to deal with, I also have the guilt and anguish of letting the other people down as well.

You tend to take alot on at once. I suspect you do this for several reasons. 1) you are a people pleaser . 2) you really have all good intensions of following through because you enjoy activities. 3) Because you are a nice guy. You also may do this because at the moment you take on these commitments you may feel "safe" and "strong", but as the occasion arises, the anxiety gets the best of you. Beleive me, I know how this can be. Anxiety is the pits. It is a constant. There is no escape, no way out. But as you once told me, there are tools to deal with what we have. Remember, you are only one person. Taking on too much at a time is enough to exhaust anyone, even a person who doesnt suffer from anxiety and depression. I would keep a log of your commitments. Possibly setting a "maximum" per month that you will allow yourself to commit too. Just an idea.

Also, letting people in 3d know about PC. Well, hmmmmmmmmmm. I have told my closest friend about this site. I have exactly told her the name of it but did fill her in on the details of it and how it has helped me. She thought it to be a great outlet for me. My husband know and those are the only people that I felt comfortable in telling. Well, I did tell my T and PDoc as well.
I guess I am curious as to why you told them of PC. Do you consider these people "safe" people? I dont critisize you for it.

Do you journal Myzen? I forgot if you did or not. I know you dont take meds and I think you have done quite well maintaining a healthy life without them actually. I wish I had just half your will and strength. I am not suggesting meds, but perhaps therpay. I know that a trained professional can help you deal with the issues you are having surrounding your anxiety. Perhaps new ideas in coping. CBT. Even talking about our fears and thoughts helps. Especially when speaking to a trained professional. I know when speaking with my T, it always made things less heavy for me, ya know.

You always have me to talk to as well. I am not a trained professional but I sure as heck know anxiety and what it can do and what it feels like. Just talking helps.

I hope I didnt stray too far off track here. I tend to babble and get carried away easily.LOL.

Good thoughts to you Myzen


Huggles