Its awfull to hear this. You really shouldnt feel shackled to decisions in your past, I can't imagine the opposite to every decision you feel you made incorrectly could garauntee happiness.
When I was weeding a flower bed as a young boy I couldnt reach a section with my right hand (natural hand) and didnt see it necessary to reposition myself so I stretched across with my left hand and lifted the weed matt and the tail of a death adder snake, Um I hope this makes sense , I mean if I repostioned myself and used my right hand I almost certainly would have been fatally bitten.
I dont understand your pain, I just want to help.
Be happy