Hi Jen,

Well, it's certainly not babbling. Your post is sensible and to the point, as always.

The stuff you said about the anxiety is so true. "As the occasion arises, the anxiety gets the best of you." that is a textbook line.

The reason I mentioned PC to a couple of people is that I have contributed articles to the newsletter, and I'm pleased with that. It feels like real work, the kind of stuff I used to do before the illness. Then I realised that they could read the articles and tie them in with the forum. Doh!

I have had a session of therapy, a couple of years back, and sorted the big issues. All I am left with is this thing about trying to be the person I was and not accepting who I am now.

For instance, I recently played guitar at a music event. I went on last, which is stressful, and played a very short set, both singing and playing. The audience loved it and I felt so good. The next day the organisers phoned me twice to ask me back to do more, and even invited me to their own New Years party (at their home). I turned the offers down.

Once upon a time I would have been on cloud nine over these offers, but now my life is different, and I knew I couldn't go further with it. It is heartbreaking to be constrained like this, but I know that lots of people have it worse, and I did get to play my guitar. I can do things if I do it quick, and then get off. I can sneak past the anxiety sometimes.

I have wondered about bipolar, as I have some mood swings, but the overwhelming symptom for me is anxiety, in all it's forms. I have been pretty stubborn over the meds, I'll admit that, so maybe I'll look at some options, as you suggest. What I would really like is a 3d support group. I've had the one to one therapy, so some group therapy would be good, especially as I have the social anxiety as well. I'm going to check this out.

Thanks Jen.

M