ty, byz. what excellent suggestions. brings to mind what happened to my mother with terminal cancer. her very best friend avoided seeing my mom and when mom was not able to go out anymore it hurt her that her friend didn't come to visit. it was painful for me to see her so hurt.
on the other hand many of her friends were awesome. one friend sent her via florist what they call a" living" arrangement. each day a bulb plant would start growing and later would bloom. i thought that gesture so thoughtful. mom enjoyed to watch what the new day would bring with her plant.
at one point mom said, i wonder what her hubby-my dad-would think of her now...meaning mastectomy..i replied he would love you the same as always, mom, no matter what has happened. that was the only time she really questioned anything about her illness. she had such dignity about what she was facing, never complained tho it wouldn't have made us uncomfortable cause we loved her.
her surgeon gave me good advice also when i asked him how we could help mom. he said if she brings it up then respond. if she doesn't, don't bring up her illness. this is comparable to the article. she hadn't changed. she was just sick. so we treated her just the same as always.