Lately I've been really down. My parents keep yelling at me, I'm finding I don't really care if I ever reach my dreams, my grades are suffering terribly, and I'm losing my train of thought and finding it hard to finish conversations with my friends. I've even been letting this boy get "to close" if you know what I mean and I dont even care. I dont love him and I know he doesnt love me but I basically let him do whatever he wants. Before you think to far ahead though, I havent had sex with him. But I feel I'm getting pretty close to it. I feel I'm losing all meaning in my life and going numb to everything around me. Yes, I have had thoughts of suicide, and I dont care. It doesnt feel like anyone will miss me when I'm gone since love is so easy to fake these days. I've been thinking alot about the human life and what we've created and destroyed even what we believe and can't understand. I like to wonder where my soul would go or if it really exists and suicide seems like it would give me the answers I need but somethings stopping me. I dont know what it is. Maybe I'm to scared to take a life, even if it is my own. I just dont know.