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Mar 05, 2011, 07:42 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,363
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Thanks sun... I am back from a long walk in the sunshine.... In the interested in demonstrating the effectiveness of mindlessness... thankfulness…. focused breathing…. singing... laughter…. in the stabilizing process let me share some of the highlights/anxiety busting these techniques blessed me with on my walk. I will trrrryyyy my best to be concise. Good luck with that hey 
Okay... here I go....
Heading in my usual direction towards the river I enjoyed the mindlessly of observing the water trickling down the street; glistening under the sun. A victory for mindlessness.
I continued walking towards the river knowing I would not get there today because it was already in the shade. I walked on until the sun was hidden behind a mountain and then turning around again to remain under its healing glow. I came upon another walker who was pointing to bush without saying a word. I looked to see a couple of blue jays. No robins yet but it is a start. We shared the joy of knowing spring was on its way. A victory for thankfulness.
I continued on. I arrived at a busy road that I had to walk along for no more then half a block to get to the park at the elementary school. A ½ ton truck passed by and I cringed from the instant surge of anxiety the noise triggered. Then another, and the anxiety went up another notch. Then another and another. What the $%#... it was like a parade! I was near panic by then and not even sure I was going to make it to the corner without falling to my knees. My heart was pounding, my breath was racing… I was loosing it fast. I counted my steps to the corner.
Relieved to finally be off the street I told myself it is ‘just’ anxiety while I focused on leveling my breath; In to claim peace and out to release the anxiety. Soon enough I had found my centre again. This time the victory goes to breathing.
I walked around the quiet road towards the school and the hopscotch caught my attention. When I used to do lunch hour ‘duty’ supervising the kids, I used to love teaching the kids and playing hopscotch with them. It has been years since then. The hopscotch was calling my name so I found something to use and then I did a couple of passes before someone came by and I was too self conscious to continue. It was fun while it lasted.
I then sat down at a bench in the sunshine, looking up at my power rocks. I began conversing with those who were revealing themselves to me; Lots of them today. It is sort of like a hide and seek game. Each time I would come upon a fresh face I would acknowledge it, thank it for coming and sometimes comment on their expressions or the sneakiness of their hiding place. I came upon one that appeared to be very sad. His mouth was turned down and there were bags under his eyes. I tried to comfort him and encourage him to smile and get this…. the shadowed began to gradually reveal to me other lines, other shadows that reshaped the mouth into a smile. Even the eyes seemed to narrow as they do when we smile. I couldn’t but say, ‘That a boy… doesn’t that feel better?’ I then sang to them. And the victory goes to singing.
Before heading back I enjoyed a few minutes of meditation. I soaked in the sun and focused on how it felt and felt the rest from everything else around me to just be with my breath. Victory this time for focused meditation.
As I started walking towards home it stuck me just how precious those cliffs have become to me. I have tried to move away for one reason or another but it never seemed to work out. I had the thought that they had brought me here and it was not my time to go away from them. Another victory for thankfulness.
As I turned into my drive way this thought struck me…. You are right sun…. I have come a long way in reaping the benefits of my persistence and my determination to become a better warrior; to have what it takes to stand up to defeat those symptoms that once owned me.
Reflecting on my need to minimize your observation of my progress I recognized that I responded to you as I did because of fear. Fear of jinxing… someone mentioned that being their fear of acknowledging a resurgence of personal power. That is certainly a big part of it but even more then that there is a resistance to self congratulations. Part of it is cultural but mostly it is self doubt that anything I am doing is really of any significance. Something else is to be crediting.
So I am say balderdash to that idea and giving thanks to my guides while recognizing that it took my own strength of character of their guidance to be heard.
Well… didn’t we just know it…. Another novella. I need an editor. Lol
Happy day everyone. Mixed episode or not I can handle it and significantly reduce the negative effects. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR 
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