I admitted in an essay I wrote for therapy a few months ago (I started a thread about it in here too) that I was feeling way too attached to my T and I was very confused by my feelings for her. I should have talked to her about it a long time ago but was too scared, again, afraid of embarrassment. Once I allowed myself to "take inventory" of what exactly I was thinking and feeling about her, the thoughts were not sexual or romantic at all, I never wanted to do anything to her or with her in that way. (I understand where poetgirl, rainbow, and Squiggle are coming from, though). I still felt confused about it and sometimes wondered if I was a lesbian because it felt like I was walking into that office to see my "crush" or talk on the phone with my "crush"...like a "what's she doing right now?" kind of thing. I felt so great every time I was going to see her. I just thought about her all the time, it was like an infatuation. I wanted to know everything about her life, and I told her all of this. I didn't mind it when she would pop into my head, but it was the frequency of the thoughts that was the unwanted part, and which created a lot of guilt and anxiety. I told her I felt like a freak for being so obsessed with her, like I was stalking her, and joked that she was indirectly ruining my life.

She told me she wasn't frightened by me or anything like that. She said it just showed that I really did want to connect with people...and all the things I wanted to know about her (which I listed one by one) were not strange. Rather, it showed that I was an interesting person and really wanted to learn about everyone I was acquainted with. I came to realize that it was natural to feel an intense bond with someone whom you've shared your deepest secrets and gone to the darkest places in your soul. T also said that it's especially intense for me since we have worked together for so long and so many life-changing events, rites of passage etc. have happened throughout our relationship. So while I still think about T a lot and sometimes wish the time would go by faster in between our sessions, I feel a lot less guilty about it and am more at peace with my "obsession".