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Originally Posted by notablackbarbie
Inside and within though is just a painful fog of words and images and memories and judgements and all is just wrong. I am wrong. I am bad. I am screwed up.
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When thoughts like that have come up for me, I've always found
(eventually! 
) that there was only one question worth asking: "How, exactly, do I know that?" I'm not sure how much good my answer would do you nor how ready you are to hear it right now. Rather than get in your way at all, I think I'd better let you work on your own answer awhile.
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Really, the more and more I think about it, the more and more i just HATE everything about me. The fear, shame, rage, selfishness, irresponsibility, disobedience, mess, ugliness, sickness, worthlessness forever swirl around and around until all i literally want to do is throw up and vomit.
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It sounds to me as though you're measuring yourself against some standard and the result points to one of two things: you don't fit the standard very well, or else the standard doesn't fit
you very well.
I go to the store. I try on a shirt. The shirt doesn't fit. "I'm sorry! 
I'm the wrong size for this shirt! I should never have come in here!"
You don't suppose...
(Nah, it couldn't be!) ... that for some reason you might've picked a standard to measure yourself by, that wasn't ever
going to fit you...?
As I understand it, Groucho Marx was known to say he didn't want to belong to any organization that would accept him as a member. Now,
that guy had high standards!
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Again i am sorry that you have to see/read all of this mess that makes no sence. I don't know what's my point....
(small voice - i am sorry everyone  )
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Sorry?! I thought you did some really cool sharing there and I wanted to thank you!
