in Oct 2010 I met a girl. We hit it off pretty well and seemed to get along. We slept together after about our third time hanging out and started hanging out a lot. We'd see each other a few times a week and if it was a holiday, probably a little more. eventually she told me that she was calling me her boyfriend to her friends, which is cool.

Well, come christmas break, we weren't able to see each other because we live in different states. even though we weren't physically around each other, we still talked everyday. she'd send me pictures and what not and flirt and I'd flirt back. she'd talk about how she missed me and what not.

when she got back, she kissed me at the bar and was glad to see me, everything seemed fine. for a week or two everything was fine.

after that she started getting weird. she'd always talked about her mom telling her never to assume she's exclusive. so, I asked her one night if she wanted to be exclusive. she said no. I was kinda shocked. she told me that her friend talked to her over christmas break and she decided she didn't want to "bring me into all her ****" and become "emotionally attached."

well, she said maybe we should cool it down, so we stopped talking to her for a little while.

I started talking to her again about a week or so later and she was excited to see me. she said we should hang out and we did. well, by this time I'd done some thinking and I'd come to the conclusion that I was becoming emotionally attached to her. so, I went over and we hung out and at the end of the night I asked if she wanted to be exclusive. she said no again. I told her that I just didn't want us sleeping with other people, and not be bf/gf if she doesn't want. I just don't want her sleeping with other guys while I sleep with her.

well, she didn't want that. she only wants to sleep with me, she doesn't want a relationship. so, I told her I'd have to stop hanging out with her because that's what I did want. she wanted to be friends but I don't think I could handle that.

this ended about a month and a half or so ago. I've been with other women since then trying to clear my head but it doesn't seem to work. I see her with another man and it kills my heart.

it really hurts that my personality was rejected. I later found out from a friend that she couldn't date me because I'm "too chill." All because she's a few years younger than me and doesn't realize that I was into the same **** she is into now then.

I realize I smoke weed but I was trying to quit for her. This ******** doesn't help.

I was a virgin, I want to know when I can forget about this stupid *****.

Sorry for the rant.

I also just quit my anti-psychotics. I ****ing hate the world.