Not sure if this helps...my father is very controlling...at my grandmother's funeral, he had a seating arrangement. I was not in contact with my family either and it was very hard to attend...I intentionally sat on the wrong side of the church, only attended the services, did not participate in any attempts at conversation with any toxic family members, and drove 500 miles home immediately after the burial. It was very tough and just being in the same vicinity as family was distressing and anxiety provoking, but I told myself it was something I needed to do. It honestly took several weeks to recover, but in hindsight, I'm proud that I was able to do it.