Well, last night I had the STRANGEST dream!! UGGGG!!!
I suppose it has to be with going to session Monday.
But there I was trying to see him and he had me go into his office, but then it was a livingroom. Then he got a phonecall from a friend and asked me to hang on.. so I was there and he was laughing and then turned on the TV and I was still waiting. Then he got off the phone and went to get something to eat from the fridge. Then he was eating cake and I kinda wanted some since it was chocolate but I was afraid to ask.

So I kept telling him "I REALLY NEED to talk with you about last week!" but he continued to push me away. Then he looked at his watch and said "Well, time is up for this week. Same time next week?" And I started to cry and ran out of the office. I woke up a little at this point actually crying.

Then after I left T office, I was trying to escape his building and got lost in a maze and found a basement with tons of chocolate cupcakes someone was just going to throw away but they were still good. So I wanted to eat one but every time I tried to take one I was overwhelmed with guilt since I thought it was stealing from my T.

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The reason I am posting in this forum instead of the dream forum is because I wonder if this is my mind feeling so bad for all the emails I have sent my T. Almost like I am stealing his personal time with my stuff?

My T has never and would never act like he did in this dream. But it was a very POWERFUL and emotionally draining dream. And I do see T Monday. I am terrified of going back? Maybe. Yes? .... and No at the same time. In the dream, I WANTED very much to talk with my T. That is my emotion now. But I suppose the fear of the emotions is there in a very big way for me.

I decided to do some art therapy around this for myself this AM.
I posted my pic in the Creative forum if you are curious how that turned out. It represents my emotions unfreezing after a very hard and long winter... turning into the rapids and waterfalls.