I feel the fantasy fading away too. What is left? A stranger who I pay to care about me each week? Not exactly. She tells me how much she likes me and cares about me. But it's not the same. The fantasy T was of course so much better!! We have to grieve for having to give up that fantasy. It hurts terribly, doesn't it?

But the connection IS still there, it's just different. I think you will find it again. Four years is a long time. Something is there, but not the fantasy. It's not "all or nothing", black or white, though I'm having a hard time grasping that concept too. The REAL T is just a person like you and me. She's not going to magically fix us. SHE isn't the SOLUTION; she can just help us find it. You don't know how much it hurts to type that even though I did it in my thread too. I thought T was the answer. I think of her and still want her to be. It's incredibly hard to give up the fantasy.