Hi UBF:
Man, I can relate to this one! I lived with my ex-husband (well, not while he was an ex...) and his son for 6 years. The first 3 or 4 years were excruciating. Same battles you describe. My ex was actually pretty good about backing me up, to his credit, but still... I hated be the bad guy all the time. And you're in even a worse situation than I was b/c your boyfriend's kids are adults - I was dealing with a kid from the age of 9-15, so I had a bit of adult authority. It DID get much better for the last 2 years, maybe b/c his son matured or realized that I was there to stay (or so we thought at the time). Or maybe we just got used to each other. Don't know.

I don't know how commited you are to this relationship, but you are really not in a good situation. There are support groups for stepmoms (which you essentially are) -- I wish I had known about internet support groups at the time, but unfortunately I didn't, so I was on my own. But I'm sure you can find one, since you managed to find THIS forum.

I tell ya... I hate to discriminate, but I will NEVER date a man with kids in the future, unless I already have kids of my own. It's a no-win situation. I don't know the details of your situation, but I'd get out if I were you. You will always be the outsider. I hope I'm wrong about that, but I'll admit that I'm bitter about this topic.

I know the pain you describe, and I'd just like to say I'm sorry you are going through this right now.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!