This is way too much to carry! Too much for too long! Get me out of here!

Daughter caught in a prison of anxiety and worry. Crying... screaming... because the frustration is too strong and overwhelming. Questions... questions... questions... No fighting spirit.

Son on the phone talking about racism stuff (he's not a racist) using it as a vent instead of saying what it is really eating him. He can't handle emotions. I know he's suffering... but right now I was not in a good place myself after our daughter just having a meltdown. I was close to tears hearing him shouting "White power!" "Kill all black people!" and similar phrases. Hubby took over the phone and then our son broke into pieces crying out loud and screaming. It dawned on him that he'd upset me - the one who really understands him... the one he always talk to when he's feeling bad. We're so close and sort of 'feel' together.
I so just wanted to be there with him! I'm his mom and I had to help him over the phone!!! I want to be with my son when he's hurting! I took over the phone again and tried to calm him down... but the personnel entered his room and he went furious. I told him I had to hang up and call the personnel and help them help him.
The personnel didn't have a clue what to do! My poor son in agony bottling up his worries inside.
I told the personnel to tell my son that he can call me anytime this evening... even if it would be in the middle of the night. He'll need me when he's calmed down.

I can't take my children suffering any longer! My heart is in a million pieces!



Sorry, just needed to get it out!