rosei'm so glad u posted about how u are feeling. it takes courage and humility to post sometimes asking for support. sometimes it is all we can do-vent. i can understand why u feel u are boxed in to a life that is empty of the joys we all should have every now and then in our life. one thing comes to mind...can you offer time at a soup kitchen or volunteer some time at a place you feel comfortable? i have found that often times-not always tho-by getting outside of myself and helping others less fortunate, using that term loosely, helps me. is this something you would feel comfortable trying? i know you are so talented in an artistic way. could you use those talents to help others?
i'm not trying to minimize how you are feeling. i know it is real. i hope maybe this will be a spark for you to find some meaning in your life. there's so much in you that helps others. perhaps by helping others irl may help you too!
i'm glad u are willing to try to find a support group if possible. i never realized how much they helped til i joined one while leaving an abusive marriage. i know the group helped me thru so much. please keep us posted on this venture.
my T once told me it takes so much mental energy just to get thru the day when we feel helpless and hopeless. i never had thought about that and it is true. that is why you feel worn down. can you take a walk outside with no intention of getting somewhere? that helps me too. just to get outside is difficult often but once i'm out it helps.
for now try to look at only today. don't project into the morrow or the past. stay centered and if you lapse back, acknowledge it, and refocus on today.
i hope in some small way this may help.