'the idea that you must have love or approval from all the people you find significant'

well... it does hurt when someone you find significant does not love or approve of you...

and regardless of what you tell yourself...

it does hurt.

and if it hurts one hell of a lot...

that doesn't mean you endorse that irrational belief...
that doesn't mean you endorse that irrational belief unconsciously even...

it is a normal response.
and when the response is extreme...

well...

tone - shock
tone - shock

past experiences...