dps Hugs from all of me to all of you! I am sorry you are having such struggles.
I am not a hundred percent sure if this is a good thing to say, but in a weird circular logic kind of way, I do sometimes find it helpful for myself. Sometimes when I'm stuck thinking how awful and worthless I must be, I tell myself that if I really think that, then why am I trusting my own judgements of myself? Maybe I shouldn't listen to my own bad voice in the same way I shouldn't listen to others. ....I'm not sure the way I said that made sense just now, if not, sorry! Please just take away the most important thing, which is that I'm listening to what you're saying, and caring. ~Emma