Hi lavienrose,
It sounds really painful, sometimes I think if we just had that small inner circle of support (like a good family or tight group of friends), we could do anything. But life conspires! Money, location, pure chance keep us completely stuck. I always think of a stream in the park by here, where sometimes a leaf will just get stuck, then another one, then another one, and before you know it there is a clump of soggy leaves and the water can't flow anymore. That pretty much feels like my life too so I can identify with a lot of how you phrased your post.

For me I know I can't move on when I feel like I've failed in any way. I will punish and punish myself with negative thoughts. Taking a step back though, I can realize that little voice squealing "failure! you failed!" isn't authentic. Someone put it there. My life is not a failure by most standards, and judging by the experiences you listed here, yours probably isn't either. So we need to replace that voice with a more loving accepting one.

Do we have to accept life with all its flaws? I don't know! I think sometimes in life we feel connected, empowered, and content, and sometimes we feel like nothing is going right, and those are both just... life. But do we have to just accept it when everything starts going wrong? I don't agree with that!

Just curious is there somewhere you could live where there would be maybe more creative jobs? (And maybe eventually.. more dating, more support!)

Sending hugs and good wishes your way. What we are today, we may not be tomorrow. Either way, I hope you (we all!) find peace!!