((((((lastyearisblank)))))))), thanks so much. I agree that if only there was some support at hand from family or friends, some of this would be manageable. It's frustrating to be isolated, without help. But, I can ensnare myself in the "if onlys". You're right about blaming myself, anger at myself for feeling like a failure does sap my coping resources further. I like your analogy of the leaves in the stream. One thing adds to another, damming up the works. I have wondered about other cities and states that may offer more opportunity. While this is a beautiful area with a lot of colleges, the arts, etc., it's very limiting. As scary as it feels, a change could be a really good thing for me, if I'd take the steps to research other areas. Thanks again.