I hear u n ur pain alright. . .
Same happens to me i have dreams of getting hit by car, or someone following me n stabbing me to death. . . .
I too have been fantasizing suicide. . . .

Well u can start hitting a punching bag or do something u love to do anytime u have such thoughts. . . .
May be it will help. . . .
May god bless u. . . . and help u out of it. . . .