I guess the reason I don't end up feeling this way with my therapist is because I go to her for very specific reasons. She fills a role as an intellectual professional, a clear mind to get feedback or a reality check from, and just generally someone to help me deal with various problems. We're congenial about it, and sometimes we discuss other trivial stuff, but there can't be any real reciprocity in our relationship. If I ask her how she's been, I'm going to get a standard response. If she asks me, it's gonna be something deeper. Technically, I'm not paying her so I can hear about her problems. We obviously care about each other to some degree, but we don't interact the way family or even friends would. I can't and shouldn't provide her what she provides me, and I can't expect the kind of emotional bond to develop as if I were. I think it would be rather unprofessional if she told me she loved me.

Alternatively, I tend to go to my friends, family, and lovers for more basic emotional needs. Feeling loved, wanted, appreciated, etc really matters with these people; and I do try to keep things very equal between me and my partner. My therapist only really helps with these feelings by giving feedback regarding how I can foster and strengthen my major relationships; and by helping me put my emotions in context when I'm being irrational. Now to look at the other side of things - while I will go to friends and family for general advice, I can not expect these people in my life to perform the same role as my therapist and spend a large portion of our relationship looking out for my mental health. It's outside of their expertise and would place an unfair burden on them. They would have obvious emotional reactions that my therapist can't afford to show and I can't help her with. I would be obligated to help them through although during my most unstable times, this wouldn't be possible. Thus, I can't expect certain technical abilities from them.

So far, drawing these basic lines and applying certain definitions to my various relationships has helped. I know I've been guilty of wanting more from certain people than they can provide in the past. It hurt at the time, but looking back at it, I was probably the one being unrealistic. It's hard to be realistic when you're hurting. I also feel vulnerable a lot of the time, but building trust upon realistic expectations helps a lot with that. Hopefully your therapist can help you address these issues and you guys can come to a comfortable spot with them. It'll likely be a bit different from what I've worked out for myself - there's more than one right way. Best of luck to ya.