i appreciate your thoughts, "lone". yes, i have broken all ties with family except with my son. the suggestion re telling my son that i don't want him to bring them up-i need to stress that to him again. it would provide a buffer for me if i just didn't know anything. usually he's criticizing them too so i don't know why he continues any relationship with them but it's his choice. he's 40 this april. he also keeps a healthy distance from them but does have contact occasionally. i just haven't responded when he tells me something but he needs to stop altogether with me.
i have taken byz's advice and have printed out my thread for T. i see her on the 10th. i know i need her help too to hopefully emotionally come to terms with my reaction to them-depression-and truely move on. it is has been going on too long, over 20 years with the intensity. need a healthy way to let go and heal as you mentioned. thanks for your kind words.