My first major depressive episode was at 10 and lasted a long time, it progressed from there worsening and my teens developed BP symptoms, not diagnosed formally until 20's. I have never known what it is like to be w/o MI as an adult. The advantage I do have with having pleasant memories from being a child is in how I would look at things as a child: the wonderment, curiosity, and the ability to find joy in things. This reminder is helpful for me when things are bad or when I start to lose hope knowing that I need to find more joy in my life again. I sort of have a goal of something to reach for to make extra special effort to make room for pleasant things in my life especially when down, don't make time for it, or don't feel would deserve it, etc. W/o having that former reference, I would be more pessimistic thinking it would not be possible. So I would not want to wipe them out but I was fortunate enough to have a happy, early childhood so I would not have changed that part.

I have no idea what it is to be an adult under any other circumstances and childhood only goes so far, so my idea is skewed b/c of such early onset. I can wish for those times again on one hand but it clouds what I have to do now to get by if I focus too much on the past and what could have been. I have learned it actually sets me back to dwell on it. I am grateful for what I did have but have to be in the moment now.