I'm not sure where to start... Not exactly sure what to consider the beginning...
About a year ago I moved back to the town where my mom and step-dad live, the town I grew up in. I got my children away from their emotionally and verbally (at least, maybe more) abusive father. I wanted to save them from the cycle of abuse. I didn't want them to end up as broken as me. I have chronic depersonalization disorder from the PTSD of my childhood abuse. I've been abused, emotionally neglected, and/or abandoned by pretty much everyone in my life, especially by my family.
Anyways, I don't remember much of my abuse, much of it is still locked in my brain. I was doing pretty well, managing my dp and being hopeful that I would start to be able to heal my past when my kids were far enough along with their own healing that is... Then I met and started dating a pretty great guy in september, he made me feel safe enough that without remembering any more of my past, my emotions started flooding me. I was hanging on by a thread. He was that thread, and my emotional battery charger, which in hindsight wasn't good for either if us. He worked 70-80 hours a week between his 2 jobs and needed to do that to pay off debts. Then on February 13, he called and ended our relationship because he said I deserved someone who has more time to be able to hold me and comfort me. Noble, I know, but it still really sucks because now here I am alone with all this raw emotion and no one to hold or comfort me. Thanks for letting me vent.