my insides are still wound up, when my logic
tells me they shouldn't be, I used to be able to deal with problems better.

I don't know if I'm just getting older or what, but I don't feel like I'm taking
stress nearly as well as I used to and I'm getting more angry inwardly and not
sure what to do. Yesterday at work was annoying, somewhat fast-paced, the machine kept
screwing up, creating more work, till I was running on anger-cahrged adrenaline,
it's like my body becomes more tense, a shaking sensation goes through me as I
heat up. My thoughts are angry and violent imaginings, and my outgoing comments
can be slightly more hostile. We were there till 6.30 p.m., my physical energy
adn emotions drained and I'm still tired.
I used to be able to take this stuff better, now I just want to throw things and
destroy stuff, which I can't do at work. Instead, everything just stays bottled
up.
Don't like feeling all this anger which fuels my working energy, so it seems,
not sure if I can break it, however it started, don't know if I have the
strength or will to change.
Not even sure what is happening, anxiety disorder? Stress? Or what.
Just feel drained and tired now, still a touch of anger.
As it builds I become more irrational, the anger thoughts are repetitive, always
the same things, over and over. Can't even think on stories I could use. Then,
I'm worn out and can't operate.
Thought the cooler temps of the chicken factory would help, I was incorrect.
This place makes me miss the Perdue Factory, thing seemed to run better there,
though I was still unhappy.
Not even sure I'm capable of being happy.
Some people say give it to the Lord, but I'm not sure what that even means, and
when I get irrational it's hard to think right.
WIsh I knew how to break this. My body shakes, twists, I fidget and poeple are
convinced somethings wrong with me. I've been diagnosed as immature, related to
Klinefelters, a cognitive memory disorder, chronic depression, and diabetes.
I need to change many habits, but they have become so ingrained over time, not
sure if I can.
Any insights, ideas or anything?
I hate those states I get in, for many reason, including my own tendency towards
destruction and saying things I shouldn't, wishing i was dead, otehrs were dead,
those things.
If only I had the courage to get my own business going, confidence, whatever.

Still tired and uncertain.