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Originally Posted by lonegael
Evening, have you thought of going a CBT therapy aimed at handling other' anger? It sounds like what you have going is a type of phobia, actually. If you can get a good therapist it shouldn't take very long to get a handle on it. Basically, you have been conditioned to be very , very afraind of other people's anger. learning that you can survive it is the big step to being able to stop having these reactions. HUGGGGSSSS hon. I think that it's very dealable once you get the right help.
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I've heard of CBT but I'm not sure what it actually is? I haven't got access to my therapist at the moment, so it's a little difficult. I have been thinking of convincing someone to take me there and telling them I need to see her urgently.
I don't have a phobia of anger, it is a trigger of my PTSD brought on by my mothers abusive ex-boyfriend who used to have the most demonic anger I've ever seen. I used to be very tough and defensive, but he was the one person I couldn't stand up to, he became so possessed with his anger and would turn red and go on and on and on, sometimes for half an hour or more. A lot of the time I was trapped in my room with him yelling at the door, other times he'd be standing right over me where I couldn't get away. So ever since then confrontation and anger really sets me off. But it's all physical. Mentally I might be absolutely LIVID with anger, but physically I'm so worked up that it becomes overwhelming and that's all people see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrangeMoira
Congrats on the new job! What a great opportunity. I hope you don't encounter too many angry customers. If it's the kind of store where people bring their cats and dogs, maybe they are more likely to be friendly?
I have the same problem when I have to confront people, but only when someone is more than mildly angry. I turn (and see) red, shake, and then sometimes feel "off" for days (and want to quit my job). Working in customer service has actually helped me to get over this a lot. What I do in the moment is go through the angry-customer-diffusing steps I learned:
1) Apologize (for something, even if you can't change anything)
2) Repeat back the facts of their complaint/problem (this makes them feel heard and makes sure you're addressing the right issue)
3) Empathize (If they're emotional, they're probably a little embarrassed even if they don't seem like it; this makes angry people angrier. If you can express the fact that their response is reasonable/understandable, they will be less defensive and calm down.)
4) Ask what they want (sometimes it's smaller than you think; also, this gets them focused on the solution instead of venting their problems at you)
5) Offer a solution (tell them what you're able to do in positive terms and let them accept or reject it)
I've found that if I focus on doing each step well, I'm less likely to focus on the other person's scariness. I still feel the physical upheaval, but it's smaller and I can keep talking. The steps themselves often help to diffuse the situation and solve the problem. If not, at least I know I approached the situation in a professional way, so I'm less likely to ruminate about it after.
I've also learned that if the worst happens and I do burst into tears or get red and sweaty, that I'll live. No one likes to be yelled at. Lots of perfectly well adjusted people get their feelings hurt at work and break down. It happens to most people at least once. It doesn't make you unprofessional or weird (which is what my brain is telling me).
Over time, I've been able to deal with people better because I've had practice. I've also learned over time that the bad customers are a very small fraction, and the nice ones make up for them. I am confident that you will be able to deal with it better and better as you go. Do you have someone you can roleplay with ahead of time?
I second lonegael's suggestion about CBT. There are some good workbooks on anxiety if you can't do therapy right now. Breathing exercises and relaxation techniques are helpful, too. Good luck to you in the new job!
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The thing I'm worried about is losing the job if I don't handle these situations well, so if I DO cry, it could mean the end. I am so worried that might happen because at the moment without a job I'm living on $1,180 a month, on this job I'm earning almost 3 times that much.
The manager did state that I will have to deal with angry customers. A lot of people are against pet stores and carry on about that, and she did state that occasionally I'll have to deal with that. I don't completely disagree with that, I do aim to one day run a pet store that does not sell dogs and cats, only hires staff that know exactly what they are talking about, and aims to educate customers with proper ethical advice. And, sometimes to get to where you want to go you have to do something you don't overly want to do. I do want this job, but the store I'm doing my 3 month trial at is a store I never really walked into because I didn't like the way it was run. Though last time I walked past it it looked a lot better.