I'm sorry This is so long, I tried to shorten it, PLEASE READ IT THOUGH..


I really need to know whats wrong with me. Is it me or is it the people I'm around? My family is dysfunctional, my sisters are mean, I'm invalidated constantly, have always been.

My ex was abusive. The recent family friends I visited were abusive to me twice. Once was six years back, then they apologized and begged me to come back and visit them, so I did but then they repeated the same stuff.

I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me, or I'm doing something wrong??

Today, my mean instigating sister came over and she constantly tried to push my buttons, I ignored for a long time. I kept saying Stop I don't want to discuss this, just stop it.. She just accuses me of things that aren't even the truth. My uncle (mom's brother) was visiting.

Finally, I blew up. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had been avoiding her instigating fights with me for a long time now and today I just blew up. She's pissed that the new place I'll be moving to, she wants to visit the city and stay with me and when she said this to me, I was just quiet. She's pissed I wont' host her. I can't. I'd have to kill myself to do that. I don't like her. She's been mean to me all my life, used me. I used to fall for it when I was little, she'd come over and be all nice coz she needed something from me, the moment she had it, it was back to being a *****. Now that I'm older, I read into that and so no longer let her use me. But now I also don't like her.

Today, she kept telling lies to my uncle and when I refuted the lie, my uncle would tell me I was wrong. He believed her and not me. Then she threatened me (like she used to blackmail me with stupid things when I was little, I don't fall for them anymore because now I'm no longer scared of anything... I never did anything wrong as a kid either, I was a very good kid, its just that my parents didnt like me cutting my hair and I did, and she' d blackmail me with that to get what she wanted), so today she tried it again, only it was a lie today. She said Should i tell uncle what you did to me? And i said go ahead, what is it??

Her silence made me only more angry because she just repeated the same thing over again Should i tell him?? Then I just LOST IT. I lost my anger, with all the invalidation around me, and being accused of false things, I blew up! We were outside the house and I yelled in the loudest voice ever "What is it??????? what did i do????? Why dont you say it????" The neighbors heard it and I was very embarrassed. Now I'm angry at her and at myself for losing my temper. I had promised myself that I'd take things slowly from now on and control my anger and not yell, but I could only control it for so many days.. it kept building up, and she kept pushing my buttons.

At that moment, My uncle started getting angry at me and saying to my mother that I was out of control and she needs to discipline me, I'm in my late 20s. I don't like it when anger gets the better of me, but I tried super hard this time to just not get angry. When he said this, I was more hurt and angry but then I just turned everything inwards, I knew no one was there to support me i just ran into my room and cried and cried.

Now I'm angry at myself that I lost my anger. Would others in this situation also have lost it or do i just suck at controlling my emotions??

Also, Is there something wrong with me? am i aggressive or something?? I try to voice my feelings to my sister but she just turns that back around on me too and starts accusing me for false things. Then i get very angry so I had decided not to talk to her anymore. Then my mom calls me to stay in the room with everyone, after a long time I came out and sat with everyone and this happened.

Oh, and she said she does so much for me, like on my last year visit she gave me diamond earrings. She only gave it to look good in front of my mom, whenever she does things like this, everyone in my family says oh wow she's so caring. But she's not! I dont want anything materialistic, all i want is honesty and care and love. I said she didnt get me anything for my birthday this year and she said so what? i gave you DIAMOND earrings last year. My uncle went wild on that and supported her.

I got furious. Took a thousand dollars and threw it on her face and said "This should take care of the earrings and dont' ever show me your face again. I never want to see you. I don't like you, you're dead for me. "

I would have liked to give back the earrings which probably costed only 250 dollars but I couldn't find them. She didn't take the money and ran outside to give my mom and uncle a guilt trip.

Anyway, long story short, my uncle believes her, my mother believes me, she knows what both my sisters have done to me. I'm not a happy person, I feel very alone.

Please tell me is something wrong with me or is it other people?? WHy am i being abused over and over again??? How do I break this cycle and seek positive loving people? Am i doing something wrong?

I didn't talk to my uncle after that and told him i was done with him too coz he supported her without even listening to me. I thought that was unfair and i was very hurt by that. Did i do the right thing?