Cognition, for me, has been one of the defining features of my life. It's been up/down/weird ever since i was a kid. I have a history of being completely irrational, and sometimes delusional in holding onto beliefs despite being presented evidence of the contrary.

i think i've been in a mixed episode since last Tuesday, maybe Wednesday; so one week now. It's been altering from dysphoric mania and agitated depression. My thoughts have been going back and forth between many subjects, obsessing over stupid crap, being hysterical when my car broke on me (like laughing for two hours straight about it, then i crashed and was rather sad and anxious and worried about it. Then that worry just goes away after a hour or two, and i relax, and my mind starts to obsess of the supid crap again. Then i'm back to feeling sad. It's getting worse, i think, too now. After a week; it was mild and i could tolerate it last week. But last night out of nowhere i start to cry, and for zero reason. When two hours previously i was laughing/enjoying my self being finally alone, and i got my car back from the shop, and being an easy fix. Now today i have been anxious and agitated all day, and irritated at my self for not being able to calm my nerviousness of what may come. I have no idea what will come, but SOMETHING is going to happen, and i have to be ready for that something, but i donno what it is. so i am on edge about it. oh anxiety. it's like being in a non-stop state of panic.

fudge i hate mixed episodes. and my mind goes blank, and yet i am still able to type like this. it's so weird. for the first time in like forever i had some auditory hallucinations last night when i was tryig to fall asleep. but i am pretty sure it was just Hypnagogia. some exploding head stuff, but i am 100% positive i hard someone snap their fudging fingers, and people talking.

argh!