Hello, Ardmore!
Poor sleep is a real killer. It will hinder all your efforts to get to a better place. This is something you might address with a doctor (if possible).

Looking at a couple of your other posts has made me wary of your mother. Sannah may have excellent insights to offer you regarding her. In any event, I suspect what you are experiencing is tied into the larger picture of your whole family.

Family clinicians sometimes talk about a "designated patient" -- one member the family blames as "the problem" (thanks, Fool Zero). In reality, they just shift the blame to the vulnerable "designated patient" to permit themselves to be blind to their own problems. The confusion and troubles of the "designated patient" are frequently entirely rational responses to wider family dysfunction.

I wonder if you've been maneuvered into that role?