My children's father abused me for 9 1/2 years. Because it was mostly emotional and verbal abuse, I didn't see it as abusive, I just thought that it was a lack of respect. I kicked him out of our house when I had no more energy to deal with him anymore. I let him see our kids at my house, and he watched our kids 1 at a time at his mom's house where he was living, every-other weekend from Saturday-Sunday. When he would come see them at my house, he would often pick fights with me. I believed that my children shouldn't have to hear us argueing, so I would leave. I wanted them to be able to see their dad, so I would find something to do, even if it meant walking around a store for an hour or two picking up laundry detergent...
Then about a year and a half ago, I called a domestic abuse program (trying to help my sister, who still hasn't gotten out of her abusive relationship because she listens to his rationalizations, like many of us do. We want to believe our partner, it's what we've been taught to do... to stand by our significant other.) When I called, they convinced me to talk to them about my situation as well. I did, still convinced that I wasn't abused by my ex. After talking to them on the phone, they convinced me to come in for an intake assesment.
Still convinced that I was wasting their time, I reluctantly went to the appointment. From there I was told I would be a good fit for the group therapy they offered. I still didn't believe them, and I think in some way wanted to prove them wrong, so I started attending the women's group. After I got there, I started feeling extremely guilty. Since there was a waiting list, I felt that I was taking a space that so many other women needed so much more than me. I cried, apologising for the first 3-4 sessions.
Then the next week, the education was about different kinds of abuse... I was dumb-founded, practically speachless. All I could say while we were going through the list was "really?" and "that's abuse?" That was the end of my guilt, and the start of some confidence. My ex didn't like the change, and tried to manipulate me. He said if he couldn't do whatever he wanted when he was with them, then he wasn't gonna come over to see them anymore.
When I didn't give in, and he was away from them for a few weeks, they started talking about how he had been treating them when I wasn't there. What they described was emotional abuse. We are now in hiding from him. All of my kids are in therapy, and they are healing. I would like to think that I would've listened as well as I did and took the same actions that I did, even if I had not gone to that group, but I can't be sure.

I urge you to find a domestic abuse program in your area, they can educate you on what abuse is, and even help you recognize red flags in future relationships, if you decide it's best to leave your current one.
I hope this was helpful.