When she gets them snowed I feel like I lost, I feel like I've lost to her all my entire life. Will this never change?

I've always been told I'm bad bad bad. I'm just so sick of it. He tells my mom she needs to keep me in control and that triggered my whole past, I was always told I am a real brat I throw tantrums, what about keeping the abusive people in control in the first place? If they'd stay in control and stop pushing my buttons, I wouldn't react. I tried so hard not to react but just couldn't help it.