You people are so caring and I really don't want to hurt anyone...just getting this out and reading it again gives me the shakes, I guess I really should beware the trigger sign.
A little more now. School was a total waste of time because I couldn't concentrate and the fights I had in school were related to my home life which I didn't realize at the time. The fights I lost mostly because I refused to fight back and I'd end up getting a %#@&#! kicking, again it was because of the writing...
always the writing...
The times I did fight back the person or persons deserved it, I always defended the underdogs no matter what, and when I'd see some jock picking on the smaller guys, I'd be like a whole different person...but after I always felt so bad I'd try to apologize to them...I got a repution as loose cannon...
these memories aren't really what I wanted to say but if I go back to that closet...to that time in my life when there wasn't any happiness, so...let me write about a good part of my life when I was able to keep the hounds at bay...My wife was 2 months pregnant when we got married and I used to joke with her about how it was a shotgun wedding...We had a big fancy church wedding...and she was the most loveliest thing I ever saw in my life...we even composed our own wedding vows...and most of my family was there... because her mother asked them...I couldn't have cared less because I knew sooner or later they would start something...but thank goodness all they did was drink all the booze so my father-in-law had to get more...suprisingly they didn't fight...anyway I wrote a song for her and I had rehearst it but when I sat down at the piano in front of all those people I forget ever note every word... until I found her eyes and focused soully on her, and I started and I finished all the time our eyes never left one another. after the room was silent for what seemed like forever... she flew across the floor so fast and dove into my arms we both went flying over the piano bench and then everybody was all around shaking my hand and patting me on the back, but all I could think of was the love I saw in her eyes that night...I'd never done that before and I've never been able to it again...happy tears racing down mystry's face...memories can be a good thing...I mean the right memories...that was the best my life has ever been outside of the births of my children...but that I'll come to later...right now the reality of where I am and what I've become is trying to crowd out the good parts...so until next time I send my best wishes to everyone...