Today I finally packed up the Christmas tree. I know it is kind of late.
I scrunched the tree up into the box, and began bubble wrapping the fragile ornaments. I've never been the holiday type, so I considered this kind of a chore.
I came across a few ornaments my grandmother gave me, and the gulit knots pitted themselves into my gut.
My sons first Christmas ornament, the White House collectors item ornament, and the blown glass angel ornament were all given to me by my grandmother, who has passed away 9 months ago.
She is everywhere here, yet she is being forgotten. Was I supposed to enjoy my first Christmas without my grandmother the way I did?
I feel bad that I was not terribly sad. All I wanted was for the babies to have a good Christmas. It went very well, and I was happy.
Is that wrong of me?
Should I cry?
I don't feel I've mourned her death properly. It's as if it's a touchy subject nobody brings up.
Am I a horrible granddaughter?
I feel I owe her sympathy and the sadness involved in greiving. But they are not there.
Desirae