Never posted a thread before - here goes! Apologies if it is rambling..........I've had depression for ten years, but only in the last few months/weeks have I gotten any help for it. I see a therapist once a week, and I am on meds which (were) working really well for me. Unfortunately due to a lot of stress from work and relationship issues my brain seemed to capsize at the weekend. I just couldn't calm down, and then all that anxiety seemed to turn into depression. I have been really low the last few days (tearful, ruminations, no motivation, depressed, isolating myself, can't cope, on edge/stressed), and, with a few extreme exceptions this is the first time I have ever taken time off work for being depressed.

I have always nightmarishly battled through it, and it is a relief not to be there. I am full of anxiety though, because

1) I work for a small charity, and I am the only one holding up an entire membership scheme amongst many other things, and the work will be piling up and up as will the complaints. Every day I get more anxious about time taken off, but more anxious than that about going back. I want to get a new job but will need to get better in order to apply etc..

2) I feel I have to lie, I have said it is a flu type thing. Lying makes me panic I will be found out. I am not a good liar. Every morning I panic for two hours before I have to make the phone call to say I am sick. Today I emailed, and it was ok, thank god.

3) I don't know if what I am doing is 'right' - if I should just battle back to work, if I should stay off work but I should be going out, or should be relaxing or what? I don't want to make myself more ill by isolating myself, but I feel like I can't cope with just about anything at the moment, its like my stress-coping-brain-mechanism broke. However I know how sometimes forcing yourself back into roles can make you feel better...but maybe worse in the long run???

I just want to do what is right, and to get better. Although I've had it so long I feel completely new at trying to do the right things to help myself. I'm going to ask my therapist and doctor about this next week, but if anyone had any thoughts/experiences to share it would really help me.