It's hard to even write this, to even think that I am important enough to warrant others reading it. Work is hell. I've had to get stern with members of my team this week because I had to pull two projects they were working on and take them on myself. On top of that, I had to get my own project ready enough to be reviewed by the CEO of the client.

I finally was able to take a night off last night to rest but it ended terribly. My ex-GF (the one that left me and said I was emotionally abusive) keeps contacting me for technology/computer advice. Why? If I was so bad that she had to leave me with no notice and walk out on our life a year ago, why keep contacting me? Is my expertise all I'm good for? Am I only meant to be a means to an end? I feel like a tool, something to be used, not human.

I am barely sleeping, haunted by my issues and my past. I can never take back the harm I wrought and there is no way to possibly atone for what I have done, but I feel obligated to give her whatever advice she wants since I caused her so much pain.

Meanwhile the clock ticks by and time is wasted. There is no time for me. There is no time for me to even feel what I need to feel. I patch myself together enough to make it through the day. That's all that can be done.

Survive.