I do the same thing. But I see it as a good thing.

On the days when I am doing ok and / or good I challenge myself to go into areas or posts that I know is going to give me a reaction. (I am actually singing itsy bitsy spider today and NOT picturing horrors of the mind kind LOL)

Anyway It isn't because I want to upset myself but I know that the only way I am going to get anywhere is if I meet these challenges head on or at least clipping it little by little from the side or diagonal angle.

Sometimes it take up to 5-10 attempts at reading a specific post before I reach the end of it. and each time I write down what the trigger factor is or at which point I notice I'm heading into my mental safe place and which post it is.

And then after I finally made it through to the end its like a giant "WOW I made it through" and I found or narrowed down another one of my triggers.

then to celebrate my accomplishment I do something special like a mcdonalds hot fudge sunday (which cost a big whapping .50 cents but sure does taste great to me)

No You are not a complete idiot and are not the only one that goes back for more.