I am so sorry that you felt you had no other alternative on New Years Eve. However, it appears that it may have some positive results in how you are planning on organinzing your life and certainly on your approach to handling your problems in the future. It is unfortunate that sometimes it is something so drastic as this that makes us see how our skewed our thinking can be at times and how desructive our thinking has become. I am so happy you found yourself in an environment which encouraged you to evaluate your life and to support you into coming up with the beginnings of an action plan. i hope that this year brings fruition to your new life skills and you find yourself in a totally different frame of mind next new years eve.