Ok so update you guys....

I headed home and was really anxious about going home. I texted a friend and explained the situation. She told me to contact my CPN.... I feel I am wasting his time by calling him. So I called him. We spoke and I told him what had happened and the fact I was wanting to really hurt myself. He said if I am feeling really agitated then I can take 1 of my last 2 tablets of Lorazepam. He said he will call me tomorrow to see how I am. He said he will talk to my Psych and see what he says too. He has also said that my folks can come and meet him despite me being 26 as I live with them and that way he can help them make sense of Bipolar.

So I got home as he said he wanted me to come here and also I had to promise him I wouldn't hurt myself. I have promised him that. So far I haven't hurt myself. I got home and no-one was home so I came into my room and started writing my Mum a letter. However half way through my letter my Mum and Sister came home. I didn't bother much as I wanted to write my letter. However they never knew I was home and my Mum and Sister were discussing me. Both being complete *****es btw!! My Mum said she wished I would of ran away and that I am mental... I could move out now as I am mental and they would give me a flat/house as I am mental..... Do you know how much these statements REALLY hurt me. I was in tears AGAIN. After that comment I went into the livingroom and placed my letter on the sofa. My Sister was like "Oh Hi" my Mum came into the livingroom as I was heading back to my room in floods of tears. 2 seconds later my Mum came in my room and we had another argument and I was pacing, getting my coat on ready to leave AGAIN. My Mum was trying to say I took it out of context but she and I both knew I had her cornered. I am still fuming about these statements. Her and my Sister are something else. They just spent 30 mins bad mouthing me and then pretending everything is fine. My Mum hauled me on my bed and held me as I was inconsolable. I still can't stop crying.

I really don't want my parents talking let alone seeing my CPN.... he is mines and has nothing to do with him. It feels like a breach of confidentiality even though I know he won't discuss me at all and it will be purely for BP discussion.

I feel like a loser, who just doesn't know what the hell I am doing!!