Just overheard the only other programmer here answer a phone call from a well-known staffing agency in the area. Probably looking for other work. Want to confront him about it and can't. It's his right to find other work.

Then it will just be me again, totally overwhelmed. I know I should have a more positive outlook but I know from past experience that I will face another 3 to 6 months before another person is hired. It's happened like this 3 times, with the longest stretch I went without help being 2 years.

It never stops; life is unrelenting. No matter what good things happen something else goes wrong. When something goes wrong, something else just goes wrong, too.

I need change but I have no way to accomplish it. I feel myself letting go and I can't control it, can't raise the strength to fight it anymore. I can't even feel the consequences if I lose everything. It just feels like it's going to happen anyway.