I'm so sorry, Lavieenrose! That sounds like a lot weighing you down. I myself am on disability and live in a house my mother owns and will have to probably move into an inexpensive apartment soon. I can relate to the feeling like your dreams are not possible anymore. Trying to make a schedule of things I want to do everyday helps me accomplish more and feel like I'm doing more with my time. I make time for art everyday, which allows me to zone out. I used to be part of a local art league, which was nice. When you feel up to it, I agree volunteering could make you feel better about yourself. I taught English to Burmese refugees and it was a great experience and really opened my view of the world. I hope that eventually you get some of these things you desire so much...