Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Distressed, I didn't say that your culture was abusive. What I'm saying is that when those at the top of the hierarchy are abusive, that the hierarchical culture doesn't support you stepping out of the hierarchy to fix things. It's like the important thing is for the hierarchy to stay intact and anyone's attempts at upsetting it are punished. I'm I making sense now?
So your protests about the abuse are falling out of line of the expectations of the hierarchy. People just focus on putting those at the bottom back in line. They aren't looking at what the real problem is or how to fix it or anything.
I'm not sure how much understanding that you will get from your uncle. Has he ever listened to you before?
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Hey sannah, Yes i totally get your point, thanks for expanding on it for me. Maybe it is a cultural thing but I'm not so sure as i've spent most of my life in US... about my uncle, I think he just responds to what he's being shown at the moment. And my sister is VERY good at turning things around and throwing them back at me. i dont know how she does it but whenever i respond with something and everyone gets at her, she succeeds well in throwing it back at me and keeping it there so everyone is yelling and shouting at me.
With my uncle, it was sort of like ping pong until it reached a place where the blame stayed on me and thats when I reacted with loads of anger, later I realized that the situation reminded me of times during my childhood when my sister woudl get my SA to abuse me and everyone would turn against me.
Anyway, so back to the uncle. He did say it was very wrong of my sister to keep the pedophile in her house and he called her and asked her why she was doing it, thats really when my sister told the SA he couldn't stay there anymore. Before that point, my mom and I had been saying that to her but she wouldn't listen.
I think deep down, my sister is very concerned about carrying an "image". So when she realized my uncle knew, she understood she'd look bad and quickly took action. But the thing is she also told my SA that she would stay neutral. Which really bugged me. I also don't trust her when she comes and says to me she stood up for me. Her exact words were, I told him you have to leave because she's my sister but i'm still going to be neutral. She also said she wanted him to speak out that he molested me. And i'm jsut like why?? how is this any of your business or your place to do this? she then came home and grilled me with questions about the abuse and whenever i said i dont want to talk about this, shed say BUT when he does a case on you there will be lawyers there sam, how will you prove this?? they'll ask you all this. then my mom says, yes we're just trying to help (under the influence of my sister ofcourse). at that time i fell for it, later i regretted it and hated myself for not seeing her tactic right there.. she was testing me.
I really cannot stand her no more. do you think I should cut her off completely, as in, not call on birthdays and holidays?
I'm sorry I wrote so much, I've been thinking about this all morning now.