I did get the doctor's appointment. It's not until Monday and that feels incredibly far away right now, but at least it's booked. Keep meaning to make an appointment with my counselor too but the last few days I haven't been able to get out of bed until early evening and then her office is closed.

I feel ... hollowed out. I've been having thoughts I haven't had since before my meds kicked in the first time. Disturbing thoughts I don't even want to admit to having because it makes them even more real and scary. They come and go, not terribly often but enough to worry me. I don't feel unsafe in any way whatsoever, just worried that I'm having these thoughts in the first place. I know this definitely means I need to talk to someone but even writing here about it is incredibly uncomfortable. My discomfort at the thought of talking about it is making my anxiety even worse, if you can believe it. Ugh.

The thing is, this is nothing I haven't dealt with before. I've been here, this exact place, and I know it's possible to get out. I've done it before. I've been good. I've had great days. I've been moving forward. Now that my depression seems to have caught up with me, however, I feel just as lost and alone and ashamed as ever.

Can't sleep now. I woke up and my thoughts just started going round and round in my head and now I'm exhausted but too worked up. I just want this to stop.