I am brand new to this forum and frankly, new to discussing the abuse in my family. Today my mom admitted that my dad has been physically abusing her sporadically through their marriage. She never thought it was enough to complain about-- a shove, a slap, or severe grabbing, but she recently hurt her foot very badly and he, in a fit of rage, hit it.

I was the recipient of my dad's verbal rage all through childhood, but since going away to school, getting married, and moving away, I have not had to deal with it. It was terrible at the time though: although he never did more than scream and grab me, there is nothing that can describe the look in his eyes that scared me to death and made me fear authority and mistrust men for many years.

It wasn't until this past week when I went home for Christmas and I saw him verbally rage at my 5 year old niece, that I started to confront it again. In her I saw and remembered everything that I had gone through as a kid. It was the most painful thing to watch her self-esteem crumble and worse yet, to see her try so hard to win back his affections.

I have to tell my sister (my mom doesn't want to talk to her because she thinks she won't believe her) and I don't even know what to say. My sister was never verbally abused by my dad, so she thinks that my mom is the problem. She seem oblivious to the fact that her daughter is now being verbally abused by my dad and I find it impossible to sit by and say nothing.

I confronted my father on his outburst torward my neice and he just blew it off. He thinks that if he says he's sorry it's all over. He doesn't seem to care how hurt we all are. It's tough because I love him and have a lot of good memories of him, too, and I'm not sure how to process all of this or even what to think of him anmore. Part of me loves him and part of me hates him.

I feel like I'm rambling. I'm not even sure how I feel or what to do. I'm still in that very reactive stage where I can't believe I didn't know that my dad had continued to do this and I don't know how to stop it. My mom made an appointment to talk to a counselor next week and has invited him to go along.

What are some of the first steps you took to get help for yourself and your family?

How do I talk to my sister about how I see my dad verbally abusing her children when she doesn't seem aware or bothered by it?

What can I do to help my mom?

Should I talk to my dad and tell him what I'm feeling? Should I ignore him?

Thank you so much for letting me vent and for your opinions. I'm going to check out a counselor for myself.