i think we al do things we're ashamed of or unwise decisions we've made. it's a good sign that you want to discuss this with T even tho u are reticent. i found when i peeled away the onion as i call it in therapy i discovered that some of my growth came from facing things i had stuffed away. of course i was fearful but when we faced the fear, shame, regrets etc together it was far more easy than doing it alone. T's don't make judgements about us. they are there to help us. i hope this may give you comfort and courage.