The type of "contract" or plan I had with my past therapist and this one isn't anything major.

The past one was that I wouldn't do anything before talking to her. Nowhere in the agreement did it say I couldn't cut. (In fact there were plenty of times after talking to her I still wanted and followed through with cutting) The agreement, promise, contract whichever word you want to use was just that I had to call her and hold on until we talked.

When she first brought up this idea I told her "Yea right and while I'm holding on you're getting the commitment order" She said no no matter what happens if I end up cutting before talking to her or after talking to her she would not have me hospitalized. So I had her put in writing for me that if I called her she WOULD NOT hospitalize me even if I cut after talking to her. And I kept that paper in my backpack for about a year just in case.

I agreed and did call her when the urges hit. At first she called me back or came to my house right away. Then as I got stronger at fighting the urges she spaced out little by little my waiting time beween my calling her and her calling or coming to me. As I got stronger she slowly dropped her coming to me out of the picture. I can't count how many times I called her and each time we both followed through with the agreement.

It wasnt the agreement that held me to it. There was no consequences if I would have broken it. It was the trust that we both had for each other that held me to that promise, contract, agreement. I held myself to that agreement and still do because I wanted and want to not because I had/have to.

So I consider my experience with her around this (and all issues with her) a successful and happy one.

The agreement, promise I have now with my present therapist is simply I won't hurt her or myself DURING therapy sessions. This was suggested by my past therapist because during a session with her while in a memory piece I had thrown a table at her and she didn't want that to happen to my present therapist. My past therapist and I (including me in various memory pieces) had a verbal agreement like this after throwing the table but in the transition process she wanted the agreement to include my present therapist so my present therapist put it in writing. The funny part (well not really funny but) is that I still hold me to that promise not because of consequences and so on with my present therapist because there were none to the agreement but because I have that promise to my past therapist. She's not my therapist anymore but that trust is still there as my friendship with and for her. I care too much for our friendship to break promises to her regardless of when they were made.

But anyway nowhere in that agreement does it say CAN'T cut on my own time outside of therapy. I hold myself to not cutting and/or fighting the urge as long as I can before doing so and my present therapist knows when I have cut the last time and has not hospitalized me so I call this a successful and happy situation too.

Right now I have enough trust built up with this therapist to know if it was up to her she would not hospitalize me if she knew within the 24 hour time period but because she works for an agency not private practice she may be bound by law to have me evaluated for involuntary commitment and so I told her I would not put her into that position of wanting to not hospitalize me but yet having to follow the law and rules of the agency. It wouldn't be fair for me to have her promise not to hosptialize me then show up on agency property with blood dripping down my arm and so on. I didn't put my past therapist through that theres no reason for me to put th is one through that moral and ethical delema.

So I hold myself to fighting the urges. My present therapist has told me she will help in any way that she can, All I need to do is tell her what I need from her and how she can help. Right now the plans my past therapist and I put in place are working so there's nothing this therapist can do. She can't be at my house 24 hours a day taking razors and so on out of my hands. Only I can do that.

Maybe what you can try is sit down with paper and pen and write out what you want to do-

how you want to tell your therapist
what you hope the reaction will be
and what the therapist can do to help you with this
what therapy options you will accept and deny.

Then give it to your therapist for discussion. Therapists like to see these kinds of activities. it shows you have been thinking about the problem and are trying to work on it.