A "good" friendship ended recently.
I say "good" loosely because it's been falling apart for years.

Needless to say, despite this person never truly being there, it's all my fault:

"Lol, at least I'm happy. i have enough friends here who *don't* cause ridiculous drama to let people i haven't seen in years bring me down. which... come to think of it? is all you've really done. it's like you're not even the same person anymore."

I've never discussed my "mental issues" with her because every time I tried she acted like I was telling her about a cut that I could just a band aid over.

But I guess that's how most people see depression.

They don't understand why I'm not "better" yet.

It's a daily struggle for me.

Most of the time I ignore it, but that only results in me getting mad and frustrated and blowing up at the people who do care.

I just want people to stop blaming me for everything.

I want people to stop leaving me.

I wish I had the strength to stop ignoring everything and allow myself to realize that I do have something going on inside.

I want to make myself believe that sometimes it's OK to put myself before others.